the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

[The message comes in the middle of the night - because who else but Joshua would be up this late?]

(x,y), sunrise.

[It's all there is, but if Ryoji chooses to follow the coordinates... it will lead him to the bridge over the river.]

[Call it coincidence, but Ryoji wasn't asleep yet, either. He's been having trouble with that lately, actually and-- once he notices the message, he freaks out a bit. Because no no no, he's been trying to stay away for a bit for a reason and what was this and he shouldn't but wanted to see the other so bad and--

...What could Josh want from him, anyway? Did something happen?

Ryoji didn't get even a minute of sleep because of this. And seeing how trying to fall asleep was a fight for a lost cause, he was at the bridge already roughly an hour before sunrise.]

[Earlier than expected! It's a good thing that Joshua had arrived early himself. Ryoji's arrival would catch Joshua sitting on the railing of the bridge again, feet dangling down over the river and swinging just a little.

Without even turning, Joshua smiles, watching the water pass by below.]

It's been awfully quiet lately~

[Noticing Josh, Ryoji actually stopped for a moment there before approaching him. Because seeing him made him both happy and... scared, for whatever reason. And the unease at the pit of his stomach? He really had no idea what was up with all the contradictory emotions he's been feeling lately.

But he tried his best to act normal. And smile as usual, even though the sudden and unreasonable nervousness was pretty much eating him alive.]

Has it? Don't tell me you've actually missed me.

[...Aaand his smile was slipping. Badly.]

Did something happen?

[He didn't even really need to turn to know that smile was slipping. He could hear it in Ryoji's voice. But he turned anyway, shifting on the railing a little, tilting his head.]

I don't know. Why don't you tell me~?

[After all, Ryoji had been the one to just go completely silent for a week.]

[And the moment Josh turned around, Ryoji's gaze automatically traveled elsewhere. Because ugh, this was really getting only worse, and... God help him, he regretted coming here already.

Okay, he could use that railing too, he supposed. So he sat on the ground and leaned against it with his back a bit further away from Josh. At least this way he wasn't forced to stare at the other boy all the time.

Now how to actually avoid the topic?]

I guess... just a lot of things have happened lately. And a lot has been on my mind.

[Thankfully, Joshua wasn't insistent on anything! He simply sat, watched, waited as Ryoji moved to sit down, silent as long as the other was.

Really, he'd gotten used to Ryoji talking to him every day or two. The silence had been a nice, if odd, change of pace, but... admittedly, he couldn't help but wonder why. And his curiosity had gotten the better of him, so... here they were.

His elbow came to rest on his knee, chin in his hand.]

Such as...?

[Really, if Ryoji knew this would be about him, he wouldn't have... okay, let's face it, he'd come here either way. He wouldn't be able to resist a chance to see Josh for the life of him. Even if he didn't really feel like talking about anything at the moment.]

A few complications with my housemates. [And him trying to do something stupid there while at it.] Someone almost dying in front of me. Talking about too many depressing topics with too many depressed people at once. [Watching people being in love with each other, too, he supposed.] ...A couple of people dear to me disappearing.

[And something else he totally wasn't thinking about, nope. Ryoji goes silent for a moment there after that, wondering if he should ask. And, well, they kind of already were on the 'depressing topics' page, so...]

Speaking of which... Do you actually like being here, Joshua-senpai? Or are looking for a way to leave like most?

[Hm. Awfully depressing topics. For a moment, he couldn't help but wonder if the 'someone almost dying in front of me' had been him, which was a complete exaggeration if it were, but...

Joshua hummed, tapping his fingers against his chin and remaining silent until Ryoji finishes. But the question that finally follows it all...

For a second, his eyes went a little distant, staring out at some point down the river without really seeing it.]

I've been looking for a way back to my city ever since I arrived here.

[And that... wasn't much of a surprise, really. He's kind of expected it, to be honest. But hearing it from Josh himself... he had no idea how he even felt about it.]

I see.

[It hurt, actually. But it wasn't really his place to be saying that. If that's what Joshua really wanted...]

...You know, call it stupid, but I like to believe that once you wish for something hard enough, it will happen. Sooner or later. The Universe always listens to us in that regard, whether want it to or not.

[It differed from person to person, of course, and probably a bunch of other things, looking at this place, but the initial thought remained. This was something he was convinced of happening back in his home world, at least. In a sense, if it wasn't for the wishes of others, Ryoji probably wouldn't be here to begin with, would he now?]

And if that's what you truly want... well, now that I know that, I'll try to be happy for you as well when that happens, at least.

[Try being the key word here. Because hey, all of his emotions were so much easier to keep in check while he was still a Shadow, somehow.]

[It was his connection to the city. He'd been connnected... ever since he became a Reaper 140 years before, really. But the moment he'd become Composer, it had become a part of him. Effectively, being here meant... he wasn't quite whole.

Joshua risked a glance over at Ryoji as he talked, watching even if Ryoji didn't notice.]

Everyone leaves here eventually. It's inevitable. The only thing that isn't sure is how long it will take.

[Joshua was silent for a moment... then let out a soft breath, almost a sigh, tapping his nails on the railing.]

'Enjoy the moment', hm?

[More to himself than anything, but.]

You're right on that one, of course.

[Because nothing ever lasted forever. If anything, he knew and understood that all too well. Though there's a pause there, because... Ryoji isn't sure if to even mention this. As much as he wanted to be honest-- He had an idea there were some things Joshua just wouldn't like to hear, considering...

No, this was all wrong. Stop and think for a moment, Ryoji. Wasn't Josh the person you wanted to be honest with the most? Why was he currently the only person you were trying to actually hold back in front of?

Scared of being pushed away again? You could deal with it. At least you wouldn't blame yourself for not trying. And all in all, there were still a few other things you wanted to ask and talk about, weren't there? Besides, Joshua was the one who called you out here in the first place, remember? His own fault~

...Yeah. What else could still go wrong.]

I am pretty convinced of the fact that I won't be able to disappear from this place so as long as you're here, though.

[... his own fault indeed.

He'd stayed quiet for a moment, letting the both of them sit in silence. Ryoji seemed content with it, and he was fine with that. It gave things less of a chance to be awkward, after all. ... not that anything would be awkward on his end.

So, Ryoji had been avoiding him because he'd had things on his mind? Somehow, it didn't add up. Not with the reasons Ryoji was giving, anyway. He hadn't been the direct cause of any of those, so why would Ryoji avoid him? Obviously it was something else.

... and unfortunately, the moment he went to scan through Ryoji's thoughts, Ryoji decided to open his mouth.

Joshua's rather indifferent look slid into something considerably less sure. The silence on his end of things extended out a bit more, and after a few seconds, he finally turned to look away from Ryoji, tapping the heel of his shoe against a bar of the railing.]

... you sound very sure of that, Ryoji-kun.

[Not upset, not irritated, just... calm. An observation.]

[Ryoji managed to calm down a whole lot himself in the meantime. The slight unease was still there, but at least the tension and nervousness managed to subdue almost completely. He kept telling himself that there was nothing to be scared of. And simply talking about it wouldn't do anybody any harm.]

I am positive about it. Because if there's anything I managed to figure out in all of Adstringendum until now, it's this.

[There's a smile appearing on Ryoji's lips all of a sudden as he turns to look at the sky. He extends a hand in its direction as well, looking almost... proud, for some reason.]

Or at least it seems to work in my case. I'm not sure if it applies to everyone else. Not to such an extent, at least.

[Of course there wasn't anything to be afraid of. This was Joshua, after all. Joshua wouldn't hurt him. The worst he could say is "no", and... well, he'd already said that, in a sense, hadn't he? So there really wasn't anywhere else it could go in the direction of being worse.]

How are you so sure?

[It's genuinely curious, and Joshua glances back, watching Ryoji. Unless Ryoji had tried it before, he honestly wasn't sure how you could make such a claim.]

It's a bit difficult to put into words, but... Basically, when I was still a Shadow, my whole existence was connected with the Universe. And even now, after becoming human, I still haven't lost that link.

[Yup. Nutcases all around you, Josh.]

Have you ever heard of something called the law of attraction, Joshua-senpai? How people's thoughts have the power to bend reality, given the right circumstances? I've experienced it happening back in my world, and I feel it happening here as well. People just don't even seem to realize it.

[If it wasn't for this law, then Ryoji most probably wouldn't be here to begin with, actually. Though he'd definitely be happier about the whole fact if it wasn't people's self-destructive thoughts that managed to do the trick here, drawing Nyx down to the Earth and all.]

In other words... I can't really explain it, but this is something I simply know I have influence on. Because the Universe is still answering to me in that regard. I won't leave this place, for as long as I'll wish to stay here.

[Ryoji had no idea if Josh would even believe him or get any of it, actually. But at least he tried to explain it somehow. Aaand... yeah. He told himself not to be leaving out the most important detail out of all of this. It was what made all of this work in the first place, after all.]

And sorry Joshua-senpai, but... my wish to stay by your side is stronger than anything else I have ever wished for. It's not even something I have influence on anymore.

[Oh, no. Joshua believed him. Really, it wasn't too odd a concept. After all, he's fairly certain that if he told someone he could communicate with a city - not the people in it, but the city itself - they would think he was crazy, too.

After all, his own mother had forbid him as a child to talk about seeing 'ghosts' and 'demons', just so Joshua wouldn't be labeled insane.

Another moment of silence passed as Ryoji finished speaking. ... somehow, these same words didn't have the same impact that they had a couple of months ago, when he'd first heard something like them. Not quite as surprising, not anywhere near as startling or upsetting... was he becoming used to this? Already?

He laughed.]

Well, aren't you the lucky one, then.

[Josh... Ryoji kind of expected you to freak out. Or stay silent. Or simply look at him funny. Not laugh. And definitely not say something like that.

Not that it wasn't a pleasant surprise. Aside from... being a little bit confusing, perhaps.]

On which part? Having the Universe listening to me or not having any influence on my wishes anymore? Because it can definitely get tricky with the second part there, if you ask me.

[Oh Ryoji, you couldn't possibly think that you're the only one capable of surprises. Just because you managed to catch Joshua off guard a time or two...

Joshua's laughing slowed into a soft chuckle, and he turned on the railing, now facing the same direction as Ryoji, propping his elbow on his knee once more and turning to watch him.]

Having the Universe listen to you. If we all had the conscious decision to stay or go, I think this place would be a lot less pessimistic.

[The shift made Ryoji turn to look in Joshua's direction this time as well. But the moment he noticed that the other boy was already staring back at him-- he literally froze in place. And whatever it was that he actually wanted to say...]

Ah, well...

[...What were they talking about just now again?]

[Alright. He definitely couldn't hold back a little bit of soft laughter at that. Really, Ryoji... you must have it so terribly bad for him, to be left nearly speechless just by him turning to look at you.

... oddly, this kind of control felt... nice.

He slipped down from his perch, landing gracefully on his feet and slipping one hand into his pocket. With an easy little smile, he stepped over to Ryoji, looking down at him in careful consideration for just a second or two.]

You aren't worried anymore, are you?

[His immediate thought was that Josh managed to fish out something from his thoughts. And if that laugh wasn't enough of an indication, the moment the other boy moved and started approaching him - or was he about to leave? - it made him freak out on the inside even more.]

...Worried?

[...Oh. --OH. Oh god, Josh, why were you staring at him and smirking like that? This was just like his conversation with Hanekoma all over again. Josh, you knew Ryoji was lying from the start, and you were just going along with it all this time, weren't you?

He seriously wanted to bury his face in his knees for the little comfort that would give. But he knew that wouldn't really fix anything. And really, what was the point in hiding from someone who could read your thoughts like from an open book? Ryoji was pretty much cornered from the moment he'd come here.]

Okay, I admit... I wasn't completely honest with you earlier. This isn't actually about anyone leaving, nor dying, nor...

[And then there was a defeated sigh as Ryoji's gaze traveled away from Josh all of a sudden.]

...It's about me. Or about you, depending on how you look at it, I suppose.

[... actually, he hadn't noticed that Ryoji was lying at all. Which was the strange part - normally, he would have picked up on that from the beginning. But with Ryoji... he found he had to remind himself to look at his thoughts. Somehow, he'd come to enjoy the little surprises. And this was certainly one of those surprises.

When Ryoji admitted what the actual problem was, Joshua at least had the decency to appear a little surprised by it. Admittedly, the reason why Ryoji was upset didn't surprise him in the least, considering how much Ryoji seemed to take this seriously.

He tilted his head, tapping his fingers against his thigh.]

Go on.

[Ryoji... stayed silent for a longer moment there after that, though. Becuase it was definitely easier said than done. And the fact that Josh was still staring at him... wasn't really helping.

...Oh, well. Here went nothing.]

Well... you've told me before that these things tend to fade, right? So I kind of clinged to the fact that might be the case, and... concentrated on staying friends with you, because that's what you wanted. I didn't mind that, either. I was happy to be able to spend time with you just like that, anyway.

[Inhale, Ryoji. Exhale.]

But... Those feelings didn't fade. If anything, they've only gotten worse. Even if it didn't really bother me at first... But lately, I've started to have a hard time dealing with it myself, I guess.

Hence why I... Well, I just figured I could try giving both of us a bit of space. Before I became roo much of a bother and before things got even more out of hand.

[There's a pause there as a slight frown makes its way to Ryoji's face. Josh might also notice... a faint blush if he looks hard enough.]

Especially after that last text I have sent you... I mean-- aren't you still mad at me for that?

[... so those feelings hadn't faded. He'd been hoping they would, honestly - that way, he wouldn't have to deal with how incredibly awkward the situation was all around. He'd been hoping. Unfortunately, fate just didn't see fit to listen to what he wanted.

But at the same time, with the space Ryoji had tried to give... he'd found himself missing the near-daily bugging.

Even if the last time had included a few words he... didn't really want to hear.]

I see.

[Joshua brought his fingers to his lips, glancing off to the side and looking... rather indifferent, considering.

He still didn't want anything like this. He didn't want to become attached. This wasn't his city. He didn't intend on staying here. And while Hanekoma had told him to "enjoy the moment"... friendships, any sort of relationships here were too unstable. You never knew which moment would be your last with any given person, and while that was true both here and in his own world... here, people would return and not remember a thing about you.

He understood Hanekoma's urging. He understood the entire concept. He'd already taken it to heart a little in this place, had already begun to branch out and forge friendships, even if most of those were forged without much say on his part...

And Ryoji had just proven wrong his thoughts of being worried of someone leaving. Well, in Ryoji's own case, anyway. Provided that was actually how things would work.

Joshua let out a little sigh, rubbing his hand over his face and continuing to look away.]

It's been far too quiet this week.

[... that was the closest he would get to admitting he'd missed Ryoji.]

text/private;

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]