the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

[Of course not! He's slowly been growing used to Ryoji's method of playing. Was it really out of the question for him to start pushing back?

... and thankfully, Joshua wasn't scanning Ryoji's thoughts at the moment. He may have been in for quite the surprise. And not necessarily a pleasant one.]

Mm, and here I thought I was fairly certain in the idea I wanted to give.

[Don't worry, Ryoji. He knew what he was doing. He wouldn't have said it if he weren't~]

[Believe it or not, Josh, but that actually... makes Ryoji's smile falter. At first, at least, when it occurs to him that this really isn't just another silly game they'e ended up playing (yet again). Not all of it, at least.

Joshua was actually... serious. He wasn't backing down from his words this time, and he pretty much admitted that this doesn't bother him anymore. He knew about Ryoji's feelings for him, and he didn't seem to mind. What's more, if Ryoji were to take Joshua's last words from the event into consideration, together with his answer right now... did it mean that the other found the whole kissing thing enjoyable, after all?

Did Josh...]

[Slowly, Ryoji's lips curl upwards again. Should he really be worrying about all this so much anymore?]

If that's the case, then...

[Next thing Ryoji does is take half a step forward - shortening the bit of distance the two had between them this time again. But instead of doing anything, he just lifts his hand a bit and extends it towards the other, almost as if expecting for Josh to do the same and take it.]

[To be quite honest, seeing Ryoji's expression fall like that was... not what Joshua expected at all. For a moment, he looked downright somber, and it threw him off just a slight bit.

But seeing the smile slowly return back in place... Well, maybe it had just been a moment of surprise after all.

And the offering of Ryoji's hand was even more surprising. Joshua's own smile slipped a bit, and he stared down at Ryoji's palm for a moment, very obviously hesitating. The thought of seeing just what he was up to crossed his mind for a moment, but he shook it off. It was just his hand. He hadn't held hands with anyone since... well, since he was very, very young. It wasn't something necessarily familiar.

But it wasn't all bad, either.

The smile never quite came back, and, mildly perplexed, Joshua carefully took Ryoji's hand, glancing up at him questioningly without saying a word.]

[Ryoji could see that Joshua was hesitant... and probably suspicious about his intentions as well. And he supposed that all he could do was hope that this wouldn't scare him off. But if kissing didn't, then why should something like this be any different?

The faint smile and genuine expression on his face remained like it had been all the while when Josh decided to reach out to him. Almost as if he was expecting it all along. And then, the next moment, Ryoji's hold on on the other's hand tightened just slightly, and he was pulling Joshua close towards himself. With the small step he's taken, he's practically met him half-way and closed the distance between them completely.

Ryoji's movements were fairly swift, but also careful at the same time. And the next thing Josh could probably feel was a pair of hands enclosing around his shoulders, with a cheek pressed to the side of his head. The gesture wasn't all that firm, though. If Josh showed any signs of wanting to pull away, Ryoji most likely wouldn't stop him.]

[Of course Joshua was suspicious. When wasn't he suspicious about something Ryoji was about to do? Especially nowadays, even if what ended up happening wasn't quite as shocking anymore.

The gentle tug caught Joshua off guard, and with a quick intake of breath, he stepped forward to avoid losing his balance. He hadn't expected Ryoji to pull him like that. At all.

And then, there were arms around him.

It wasn't even a firm sort of hug. It was soft and incredibly gentle, like he was made of hollow glass and Ryoji was afraid of breaking him. Joshua tensed up for a moment, eyes widening, not moving at all. Physical contact without his consent was something that Joshua wasn't comfortable with to begin with, but...

But this was hardly uncomfortable. The only thing uncomfortable about it was the sudden memory that practically slammed into him because of it. Because the last person that had held him had been his mother, just before he had died. And she had held him in much the same way as this.

It was... comforting. But at the same time, it made his heart clench in a way he thought it was no longer capable of.

... a moment of hesitation went by, and very carefully - not to mention awkwardly - Joshua's hands lifted, palms pressing lightly against Ryoji's back. He... had no idea how else to react, honestly. Remaining still wasn't a good option, and he didn't particularly want to push Ryoji away. So, it was all that was left.]

[Well... Ryoji wasn't aware what was going through Joshua's mind at the moment, unfortunately. But at least he wasn't pulling away, no matter how hesitant he still seemed to be in regards to all of this. And the moment Ryoji felt a pair of hands embracing him back the faintest bit, he let himself relax into the hug a whole lot more. Soon, his hold on the other became more firm, as Ryoji started to concentrate more on the feeling itself rather than whether it would make Joshua comfortable or not.

It felt warm. And really pleasant. And... He wasn't really sure how to describe it otherwise, because the feeling itself was so wonderful that it was impossible for him do put it into words alone. Come to think of it, he's wanted to do this for so long... Actually being able to almost felt like a dream come true. He honestly couldn't help but think that he could stay forever like this, if Josh would only let him. As silly as that was.

Ryoji didn't even notice when he's closed his eyes, nor when his smile widened like it did. Not that Josh could see it, but... He let it stay that way. And before he knew it, he was tilting his head a bit, nuzzling the other's hair in the process, just in order to be able to whisper in his ear more properly.]

...You smell nice.

[The sudden firming of those arms around his shoulders made Joshua's hesitation a bit less. The fact that the hug was no longer as gentle gave way for more logical, rational thought, pushing those memories aside. The feeling of sentiment had already partially passed.

... not that it wasn't still sort of nice. Once he could get over the sudden desire to squirm and get away from physical touch, it was fairly pleasant. He hadn't really realized how warm another person could be... Or rather, he couldn't remember it. But it was... nice enough.

Joshua did tense just a little out of habit as Ryoji pressed his nose into his hair, and the sudden breath on his ear made him close his eyes for a second, pulling a face. Okay. That was a little too close, even with the kiss before and the hug now. Not that he could exactly move away...]

I should hope so.

[Now that earns you a short laugh, Josh. And somehow all Ryoji can think is 'never change, Joshua-senpai. Never change' while pressing his cheek back to the other's side of the head like before. He doesn't loosen his grip just yet, though. Joshua doesn't seem to mind this all that much, and Ryoji simply wants it to last a little longer...]

I've wanted to do this for so long...

[Well. He felt like saying it out loud for some reason. Even though he had an idea that the other was aware of it already, anyway.

Now don't let it startle you, Josh, but one of Ryoji's hands was shifting along your shoulder and moving up to the back of your head this time. Gently, Ryoji started to play with a few strands of hair there, while faintly opening his eyes in the process.]

...It's not as scary either, is it?

[Yes, well. At least Ryoji wasn't breathing on his ear anymore. That was enough of an accomplishment. Enough to make Joshua a little more comfortable with this all again.

He isn't surprised in the least that Ryoji has wanted to do this. Ever since Ryoji's confession to him, he hasn't truly been surprised by any of it. Surprised by the timing of certain acts, perhaps, or the fact that Ryoji would attempt them at all, but not the acts themselves, deep down.

... Ryoji's hand playing with his hair, though. That's a little surprising. If only because that, too, comes with its own share of memories. Yet another thing his mother used to do. Another comforting thing...

Joshua's eyes slipped closed, hands tensing just slightly on Ryoji's back, but only for a second.]

... why me? Out of all the people here...

[... he doesn't deserve anything like this.]

[Well, that wasn't really a question he's been expecting to hear at the moment. But it makes him smile, nevertheless. Because out of all the questions Joshua could have asked him, this was one he didn't even need to think before giving an answer to.]

Does it make you wonder?

[Ryoji pauses, if only to make the question linger in the air for a bit.]

I could say a lot of things to that, actually. Starting with what a wonderful person you are - but you've heard all about that from me once already, didn't you? - or how you've saved my life practically twice by now, and made it possible for me to become happy in a place like this...

[With that, Ryoji shifts, his hands retreating... and the next moment, he slowly pulls away. Just enough to be able to look at Josh in the eyes again, that small smile still present on his lips.]

But that's not all to it. If I were to keep it more blunt and simple...

[There's another pause as he reaches for one of Joshua's hands on his own this time, but he doesn't really take it. It's just fingers pulling against fingers, delicately, his thumb brushing against the soft skin on occasion. Something like this would have been probably hard to admit to for anyone else, but Ryoji doesn't seem to have that much problem with it. Still a bit embarrassing, sure... but he's not scared in admitting these kind of things. They are the truth, anyway.]

...I'd say that you're simply the only one there is for me. You're the only one that I want, Joshua-senpai. And the one person who's happiness matters most to me.

If I could turn back time and choose someone else I could fall in love with... Believe it or not, I'd still choose you all over again.

[Sorry for dropping all of this on you like that, Josh... but you asked.]

[Ryoji moving away suddenly made Joshua realize how cool the air was becoming already. He let out a little breath, suppressing a slight shiver, and opened his eyes.

Ryoji somewhat taking his hand was... also kind of nice. Strange, but nice. All of this was strange, really, but the fact that someone was being so gentle with him... The fact that he was allowing any of this...

But those words... Keeping eye contact was suddenly incredibly difficult. Joshua's eyes quickly shifted down to the ground beside them, expression shifting into a slight frown. Ryoji... cared. It was absolutely genuine, no question about it. Ryoji wasn't the type to flatter someone if it weren't the truth.

And this... was pretty flattering, all things considered. There were different kinds of caring that one person could feel for another, but this specific type... No one had ever cared about him like this.

Joshua let out a short, sharp, slightly disbelieving breath, and lifted his free hand to lightly rest on his chest, expression still utterly somber, very slightly confused. What did you even say to something like that...? He was, for once, at a total loss.]

... ah.

[Ryoji could have interpreted that silence in a lot of ways. But somehow, this time, he could tell that Joshua wasn't taken aback by it all because he didn't like it. He seemed to be at a loss of words simply because he wasn't sure what to say to a confession like that.

He was being a bit too straightforward, then, perhaps. But all of it was the truth, and this wasn't something Ryoji could ever joke about.

For a moment there, he felt like letting out a chuckle just to cheer up the mood and ask Joshua if there was anything he wasn't clear with, or whether there was anything the other still wanted him to explain. But making it go in such a direction... wasn't really what he wanted to happen.

So all Ryoji does is smile. It's a big, cheerful smile, and he looks genuinely happy when he stares at the other boy. And all he can think - and hope that Josh catches it - is that it's okay not to say anything.]

[It took a moment for Joshua to be able to look back up at Ryoji again. To be quite honest, he still wasn't quite sure how to react to all of that. A normal person would be blushing and sputtering right now, probably. But that just wasn't Joshua.

When his eyes finally did shift up from the ground, he was met with a broad, sincere smile. And... honestly, that expression could only be at home on Ryoji. And, likely, only aimed towards him. And he didn't mind that at all.

He understood. That it was okay, that he didn't really need to say anything... but his pride wouldn't really allow any more of this awkward silence. So, Joshua smiled in return, a soft, slight thing. The hand that had been at his chest lowered just a bit, then reached out to lightly touch Ryoji's arm.]

You're too kind to me. You're going to end up spoiling me, you know.

[Oh, oh... Josh was smiling back at him. And it didn't really matter how big of a smile that was, because it was a smile nevertheless and... Ryoji seriously felt like melting on the spot right here, right now, just from that small gesture alone.

Just thinking back to their whole meeting here... Together with all the feelings that were running rampant inside of him... All of a sudden Ryoji had to suppress tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes because of it all. And he promised Jun not to think this way anymore, but he seriously felt so happy he could die at the moment.

Excuse him while he resisted the urge to hug you again, Josh...]

Would that be such a bad thing?

[Of course he was smiling back. Why wouldn't he? It had been a little overwhelming, sure, but Joshua was all about saving face. Even with just the two of them here, he wasn't about to be dumbstruck for more than a moment or two.

His hand stayed where it was on Ryoji's arm for a second or two before lifting up, the backs of his first two fingers brushing gently against Ryoji's cheek.]

Not if you're willing to deal with the consequences.

[...He didn't really expect the touch. So don't mind him as Ryoji looks a bit out of it for a moment there. It's... distracting. Was it even possible to blush any more at this point, anyway? Joshua was probably able to tell how warm his cheeks were to the touch as it was, considering.

...Where were they again? ...Oh, right. You already knew his answer to that, Josh. But Ryoji could be a bit more playful for the hell of it there now, too.]

...I think I'm willing to risk that.

[Oh, Joshua could tell. He didn't even have to touch him to tell his cheeks were warm, really. The blush there told him enough.

His hand shifted, moving to instead cup Ryoji's cheek once more. And, very carefully, he leaned in a bit, closing the distance between them.]

Glad to see you're willing to take responsibility.

[... hope you're okay with him pressing his lips to yours, Ryoji, because he'd like to try this kissing thing again.]

[... Were you even kidding, Josh. He was more than okay with it. Ryoji was actually resisting the urge to lean in himself the moment the other's hand traveled up to his face to begin with. And with the way Josh initiated it all on his own like this... he could feel his stomach making those weird flip-flops all over again. Ryoji had no idea how it was even possible to get used to something like this.

Slowly closing his eyes, Ryoji answers the gesture almost immediately. Absent-mindedly, somewhere in the process, he manages to guide Joshua's hand which he was playing with earlier up to his shoulder, while his own travels to the regions of the other's waist, gently pulling to press them both a little bit closer.

The way Ryoji starts to brush his lips against Joshua's is really slow and tender, though. ... He somehow wishes that this could be as enjoyable to Josh as it is to him.]

[Don't worry, Ryoji - it's hardly unpleasant. Joshua does enjoy it! He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't.

The hand on his waist didn't even get much more than a slight, brief tensing out of him. It's not... so bad. It also didn't take much to guide his hand up to Ryoji's shoulder. Not that how they had been standing had been uncomfortable, but this was somehow far more comfortable than it had been. The hand on Ryoji's cheek slid back a little, fingers slipping into his hair - for a better handhold, of course. And wow, the height difference between them was suddenly so much more noticeable.

Joshua made a tiny sound of approval, though, caught somewhere between a hum and a chuckle, and his lips slowly began to move back against Ryoji's. And, for the first time, he couldn't help but notice just how warm this is. Warm, and soft, and inherently comfortable. He had no problem in pressing that little bit closer, not at all. Even if it meant that he and Ryoji were now chest to chest.

So what if he had no experience in this prior to coming to this place? He could make it up as he went and none would be the wiser~]

[Despite everything, Ryoji had no actual experience with this kind of thing himself... and it probably showed with how clumsy his movements could have been on occasion. But the whole idea was there, and he was simply letting his instincts guide him. At least he was keeping fairly calm through it all--

Then there was Joshua's hand slipping into his hair and it made a shiver run down his spine. A longer exhale. And then, before he even knew it, one of his own hands was tangling itself in the hair at the side of the other boy's head, as if mirroring Joshua's movements.

And just like last time, soon the urge to deepen the kiss was nagging him at the back of his mind, but... Ryoji decided not to act upon it. Making Josh comfortable with the smaller things was the bigger priority for now. And seeing how mere touches could make him tense up, anything more forward was only bound to make him feel uncomfortable.

Besides, kissing like this was already too nice in itself. It was okay if they continued it for a little while longer, right?]

[It was perfectly alright to continue like this for a bit longer. Joshua would have no problem in that at all.

The feeling of fingers sliding through his hair, though... Joshua let out a soft, pleased sort of sound despite himself. It seemed like Ryoji was able to hit triggers without even meaning to. Brushing a hand through his hair was... calming. Relaxing. His mother had done it all too often, when he'd been lying on his futon, sick and in a state of discomfort. Then, it had served to soothe him, to reassure him that everything would be okay... and here, it wasn't much different at all.

Gently, he tilted his head just the slightest bit, not so much making the kiss deeper as he was making it a little more solid. He was allowed to experiment, right? And making it more solid felt... pretty nice, actually.]

[... Well. The sound you just made, Josh? It managed to trigger another flip-flop at the pit of Ryoji's stomach. And somehow, all of a sudden... he was being all too aware of how his heart seemed to have picked up its pace again. Joshua could... probably also tell how his breathing was becoming more and more deep the longer this went on...

The kiss becoming more firm felt nice, indeed. A bit too nice, in fact, and--

... What was that about continuing it for a little bit longer? ... You'll have to excuse him, Josh, but... as nice as it all felt, if they were to keep it up like this... Ryoji was positive he'd lose it. He'd lose it and he wasn't even kidding... So resisting the urge to deepen the kiss once again, he... slowed down a bit. Slowed down, as the hand tangled in Joshua's hair traveled to the other's shoulder this time. For leverage, most likely, considering. And with a few more gentle brushes of lips against lips, Ryoji slowly started to pull away... but just barely. A short pause and he was pressing his forehead against Joshua's... eyes still closed, cheeks flushed, and his breathing evidently uneven.]

... Sorry...

[...He could swear he's never heard his heart pound so loud in his ears before.]

[... well, it was going to have to break eventually. Breathing was a necessary thing, after all, and while it was possible to do while kissing, it was nice to take a break. But Joshua hadn't exactly wanted it to end just yet.

Even so, as Ryoji pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, he let out a soft, breathy chuckle.]

I didn't realize you would get so worked up.

[It was... odd, really. Almost fascinating, in a way. How something so simple could get Ryoji's heart beating so fast that Joshua could feel it reverberating in his own chest.

It certainly hadn't been his own. Of course not. That was just silly.]

[And that earns you yet another soft chuckle from him, Josh.]

...To be completely honest? Me neither, haha...

[Ryoji gave himself a few seconds to calm down a bit more. Getting that breathing under control again would have been nice.]

And you're still as composed as ever...

[Seriously Josh, how were you even doing this...]

Sorry, it's just... this is all so new to me.

[For any normal person, something like that would have been probably hard to admit. ...But to Ryoji, it just felt like he had no reason to be hiding something like that from Joshua to begin with. And considering the things Josh knew about him by now, Ryoji imagined it wasn't that much of a surprise, anyway.]

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