the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

[Of course he was smiling back. Why wouldn't he? It had been a little overwhelming, sure, but Joshua was all about saving face. Even with just the two of them here, he wasn't about to be dumbstruck for more than a moment or two.

His hand stayed where it was on Ryoji's arm for a second or two before lifting up, the backs of his first two fingers brushing gently against Ryoji's cheek.]

Not if you're willing to deal with the consequences.

[...He didn't really expect the touch. So don't mind him as Ryoji looks a bit out of it for a moment there. It's... distracting. Was it even possible to blush any more at this point, anyway? Joshua was probably able to tell how warm his cheeks were to the touch as it was, considering.

...Where were they again? ...Oh, right. You already knew his answer to that, Josh. But Ryoji could be a bit more playful for the hell of it there now, too.]

...I think I'm willing to risk that.

[Oh, Joshua could tell. He didn't even have to touch him to tell his cheeks were warm, really. The blush there told him enough.

His hand shifted, moving to instead cup Ryoji's cheek once more. And, very carefully, he leaned in a bit, closing the distance between them.]

Glad to see you're willing to take responsibility.

[... hope you're okay with him pressing his lips to yours, Ryoji, because he'd like to try this kissing thing again.]

[... Were you even kidding, Josh. He was more than okay with it. Ryoji was actually resisting the urge to lean in himself the moment the other's hand traveled up to his face to begin with. And with the way Josh initiated it all on his own like this... he could feel his stomach making those weird flip-flops all over again. Ryoji had no idea how it was even possible to get used to something like this.

Slowly closing his eyes, Ryoji answers the gesture almost immediately. Absent-mindedly, somewhere in the process, he manages to guide Joshua's hand which he was playing with earlier up to his shoulder, while his own travels to the regions of the other's waist, gently pulling to press them both a little bit closer.

The way Ryoji starts to brush his lips against Joshua's is really slow and tender, though. ... He somehow wishes that this could be as enjoyable to Josh as it is to him.]

[Don't worry, Ryoji - it's hardly unpleasant. Joshua does enjoy it! He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't.

The hand on his waist didn't even get much more than a slight, brief tensing out of him. It's not... so bad. It also didn't take much to guide his hand up to Ryoji's shoulder. Not that how they had been standing had been uncomfortable, but this was somehow far more comfortable than it had been. The hand on Ryoji's cheek slid back a little, fingers slipping into his hair - for a better handhold, of course. And wow, the height difference between them was suddenly so much more noticeable.

Joshua made a tiny sound of approval, though, caught somewhere between a hum and a chuckle, and his lips slowly began to move back against Ryoji's. And, for the first time, he couldn't help but notice just how warm this is. Warm, and soft, and inherently comfortable. He had no problem in pressing that little bit closer, not at all. Even if it meant that he and Ryoji were now chest to chest.

So what if he had no experience in this prior to coming to this place? He could make it up as he went and none would be the wiser~]

[Despite everything, Ryoji had no actual experience with this kind of thing himself... and it probably showed with how clumsy his movements could have been on occasion. But the whole idea was there, and he was simply letting his instincts guide him. At least he was keeping fairly calm through it all--

Then there was Joshua's hand slipping into his hair and it made a shiver run down his spine. A longer exhale. And then, before he even knew it, one of his own hands was tangling itself in the hair at the side of the other boy's head, as if mirroring Joshua's movements.

And just like last time, soon the urge to deepen the kiss was nagging him at the back of his mind, but... Ryoji decided not to act upon it. Making Josh comfortable with the smaller things was the bigger priority for now. And seeing how mere touches could make him tense up, anything more forward was only bound to make him feel uncomfortable.

Besides, kissing like this was already too nice in itself. It was okay if they continued it for a little while longer, right?]

[It was perfectly alright to continue like this for a bit longer. Joshua would have no problem in that at all.

The feeling of fingers sliding through his hair, though... Joshua let out a soft, pleased sort of sound despite himself. It seemed like Ryoji was able to hit triggers without even meaning to. Brushing a hand through his hair was... calming. Relaxing. His mother had done it all too often, when he'd been lying on his futon, sick and in a state of discomfort. Then, it had served to soothe him, to reassure him that everything would be okay... and here, it wasn't much different at all.

Gently, he tilted his head just the slightest bit, not so much making the kiss deeper as he was making it a little more solid. He was allowed to experiment, right? And making it more solid felt... pretty nice, actually.]

[... Well. The sound you just made, Josh? It managed to trigger another flip-flop at the pit of Ryoji's stomach. And somehow, all of a sudden... he was being all too aware of how his heart seemed to have picked up its pace again. Joshua could... probably also tell how his breathing was becoming more and more deep the longer this went on...

The kiss becoming more firm felt nice, indeed. A bit too nice, in fact, and--

... What was that about continuing it for a little bit longer? ... You'll have to excuse him, Josh, but... as nice as it all felt, if they were to keep it up like this... Ryoji was positive he'd lose it. He'd lose it and he wasn't even kidding... So resisting the urge to deepen the kiss once again, he... slowed down a bit. Slowed down, as the hand tangled in Joshua's hair traveled to the other's shoulder this time. For leverage, most likely, considering. And with a few more gentle brushes of lips against lips, Ryoji slowly started to pull away... but just barely. A short pause and he was pressing his forehead against Joshua's... eyes still closed, cheeks flushed, and his breathing evidently uneven.]

... Sorry...

[...He could swear he's never heard his heart pound so loud in his ears before.]

[... well, it was going to have to break eventually. Breathing was a necessary thing, after all, and while it was possible to do while kissing, it was nice to take a break. But Joshua hadn't exactly wanted it to end just yet.

Even so, as Ryoji pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, he let out a soft, breathy chuckle.]

I didn't realize you would get so worked up.

[It was... odd, really. Almost fascinating, in a way. How something so simple could get Ryoji's heart beating so fast that Joshua could feel it reverberating in his own chest.

It certainly hadn't been his own. Of course not. That was just silly.]

[And that earns you yet another soft chuckle from him, Josh.]

...To be completely honest? Me neither, haha...

[Ryoji gave himself a few seconds to calm down a bit more. Getting that breathing under control again would have been nice.]

And you're still as composed as ever...

[Seriously Josh, how were you even doing this...]

Sorry, it's just... this is all so new to me.

[For any normal person, something like that would have been probably hard to admit. ...But to Ryoji, it just felt like he had no reason to be hiding something like that from Joshua to begin with. And considering the things Josh knew about him by now, Ryoji imagined it wasn't that much of a surprise, anyway.]

[... actually, it was... quite a bit of a surprise. To tell the truth, with how suave Ryoji seemed to be, Joshua had figured that he'd at least had some bit of experience with things like this despite his short existence in his home world.

So. He'd taken Ryoji's first kiss, then. An amused little smile crept upon his lips.]

Is that so?

[He shifted, just a little, enough to where his wrists were now braced on Ryoji's shoulders, hands hanging loosely behind them. Only a slight bit awkward because of the minor height difference, but still.]

... if it helps, mine isn't a position where you really get to meet people.

[... draw whatever conclusions from that you wish, Ryoji. But Joshua hadn't had a whole lot of interest in this sort of thing at home, so the two of them were more or less on par with each other.]

[Well, flirting with people was one thing. It was always more of a 'showering people with compliments' rather than actual flirting in his case, anyway. Giving people small pecks on the cheek in order to show affection was also one thing. But anything beyond that?

It might have been a bit weird, considering, but Ryoji actually wasn't the type to go for such things unless... actual feelings had to do with it. On both parties, at that. It kind of... lacked the point otherwise, didn't it?

... Which also, deep inside, made him a bit unsure about all this, still. Because he knew that Josh didn't really feel the same way about him. But he at least found the kissing enjoyable... So what did that even mean? Was it okay to be doing this, all things considered? ...Something like this wouldn't hurt Joshua on the longer run somehow, would it?

Was he worrying too much in regards to all of this? ...He probably was, huh.

Ryoji came back to the here and now the moment Josh shifted a little to make himself more comfortable. And somehow he found to really like the position they were currently in.

The remark, though? It made him pull away his head from the other all of a sudden and open his eyes in the process, as he stared at Joshua, blinking. So basically... Josh didn't have much experience in this kind of thing, either? But surely, he needed to have at least some, considering how old he really was, and how well all of this he was taking, and how he still had a life before he managed to become Composer...

Uhh...]

... Wait, you don't mean to tell me this is all new to you, too...?

[... aww, but he'd been comfortable, Ryoji. Why did you have to move and disrupt that?

Joshua's eyes slid open, content smile slipping into somewhat of a petulant frown. So many questions... Couldn't Ryoji just be quiet for a moment and let him enjoy himself? Though, he supposed this would all come up sooner or later.

... and it wasn't as if it was a big secret or anything. His personal life was his business, sure, but Ryoji already knew so much about him that very few others were privilege to. And if Ryoji hadn't asked him... he likely would have gone to Sanae. Admittedly, if he's going to know, he'd rather tell him himself.]

For the most part.

[Obviously not the kissing. But Ryoji knew about that, all thanks to that event back in February.]

[Sorry, Josh... He definitely wouldn't mind going back to that shortly. He was simply a bit too out of it to keep himself relaxed like that at the moment. And with what you've just said...]

That can't be...

[Now have a disbelieving, slightly apologetic look, Josh. That was a joke, right?]

Surely, during all this time... there needed to be others who had to be all over you, right?

[Because... Josh was so attractive in so many ways, both in character and his looks? And Ryoji was obviously just... one of the few admirers Joshua had? There was no way he could have been the first one here, the sole thought was just absurd.]

...Or is it that you were never interested in anyone else yourself?

[Nobody living up to Joshua's standards all this time? Now Ryoji was kind of getting worried himself...]

[Well, at least it's still somewhat comfortable. For now, though...

Joshua let out a little sigh, closing his eyes again. Really, Ryoji. You sounded so concerned.]

If there has been, I haven't noticed.

[And technically, since he knew everything that went on in his city, he would know. There hadn't been a single person. Though, that was largely in part to his never making a connection with anyone in the first place. The position of Composer was largely a lonely one. But even before then...

Sigh. Would he really have to explain this?]

... no. I've never been particularly interested. My attention has been on other, bigger things.

[For the last century, at least. Though he'd use that as his excuse for the forty years before that, too.]

[So Joshua... never got close to anyone like this before? All of a sudden Ryoji's trail of thought traveled to that kiss which Riku-kun had initiated during one of the events, and how Josh had acted right afterwards. Granted, when Ryoji teased him about it, asking if it was a first for him, he still thought that Joshua was fifteen back at the time, but...

Surprises. Surprises everywhere again.]

I see...

[And Josh... was telling the truth, wasn't he? It's just that for someone like Ryoji... this was something really, really hard to believe. Then again, everybody was different, and everybody had different ways of living. And this was just yet another thing he found in Joshua to be fascinating, in a way.

Truth to be told, just imagining himself in such a position... made Ryoji think that he would die of loneliness, sooner or later. ... Probably a lot more sooner than later, at that.]

... Did you never get lonely?

[Not once. He'd been much too prone to illness in life to be considered for marriage at all. And that plus the lack of truly getting to get out much... well, he hadn't met anyone. And besides, marriages back then were still arranged.

And even then, after he'd died... he'd been a bit busy with his duties as Conductor, and Composer after that. There hadn't really been time. And even if there had been... nothing would have come of it.

Ryoji's second question catches him completely off guard, though. For a moment, Joshua's expression slips into neutrality. And then quickly into a frown again. His eyes shifted off to the side, avoiding eye contact.

This subject... was one he didn't particularly enjoy talking about.]

I had an entire city to keep me company.

[... Those small reactions on Joshua's part managed to tell Ryoji more than that sentence alone did. A sentence that wasn't much of an answer in itself to begin with. ...Was it hard to talk about, Josh?

Thankfully, Ryoji managed to calm down fairly well during all this time by now. Thus, without a word, he was leaning in and wrapping his arms around Josh again, pulling him closer, while delicately placing a small kiss on his cheek.]

I have an entire city to keep me company here as well, and yet I still feel lonely most of the time.

[Their cases varied, of course, but he mostly said it to make a point. ...In other words, your argument was invalid, Josh. But Ryoji already understood, and wouldn't mind if Joshua were not to say anything further in regards to this, either. All he did for now was hold him closer.]

[It's odd to think that, earlier this year, pulling him close and kissing his cheek like that would have made Joshua tense up, possibly even jerk away. But now, he barely even blinked. In fact, he found he was almost glad to be pulled back in.

How he had changed in this last year.]

... I don't see how you could, with so many people talking over the network all the time.

[It was much the same as overhearing everyone's thoughts in Shibuya. The constant presence of other people, without actually being present. ... he understood Ryoji's point, though. He just wasn't really willing to accept it.]

[Now that brought a faint smile to Ryoji's lips. And what he was about to say would probably be the cheesiest thing ever, but... it was still nothing but the truth in his case.]

...But all those people talking over the network aren't a certain blond-haired someone.

[He sounds slightly amused as he says it, though. But then his smile slips the tiniest bit, as Ryoji faintly pulls away from Joshua again. And then he just sounds more and more unsure of himself with each following word.]

Or a silver-haired one someone...

[A pause. A blink.]

...Blond-silver-haired someone...?

[...WHAT WAS EVEN YOUR HAIR COLOR JOSH, BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN HE HAD NO IDEA ANYMORE?!]

[He had almost expected something along those lines. Admittedly, that had been somewhat part of the reason why he had said it in the first place - just to see if Ryoji was as predictable as he thought.

But the comment about his hair...

Sorry, Ryoji, but Joshua couldn't help but laugh. More of a chuckle, really, but a laugh nonetheless. No one had ever questioned his hair color before. He really hasn't thought it was that difficult to tell.]

Ash blond, actually. A blond so pale it nearly looks silver sometimes. You weren't too far off.

[And along with that? You get a very amused little smile.]

Ash blond...

[Was that how this kind of color was called? Well, at least now he knew. And hearing Joshua laugh like that? All of a sudden, Ryoji couldn't help smiling himself, staring at the other boy almost as if he were some kind of fascinating creature. It was kind of amazing, really. How simply seeing the other happy could make him feel so happy himself...

Joshua could most likely feel how the hold on him was suddenly a bit tighter than before. And Ryoji seriously needed to resist the urge to start kissing him all over again... But then something else crossed his mind entirely, distracting him from the thought for the time being. Since they were already talking about hair color, anyway...]

Ah, which reminds me...

[He was mostly being curious, but...]

Both your hair and eye color were different when we've gotten younger during that last event... and you even seemed to be a bit older during it than you are now...

[...Yeah, have an unasked question there, Josh.]

[He could tell. But somehow... it didn't even bother him. Only moments before, a hug had made him tense up. Joshua was honestly surprised at how quickly he'd come to find it somewhat comfortable.

Of course, he'd expected questions about that. So it came as no surprise when Ryoji asked. Humming in thought, he tilted his head just a little bit. He knew how to explain it, but having Ryoji actually understand it...]

My hair and eyes changed color when I became Composer. It's hard to say why... I've always just attributed it to the power of the position.

As for how I looked in general... Mm. It's a bit difficult, honestly. I died shortly after turning nineteen. How you saw me then, I was eighteen. I hadn't even caught the illness yet.

[He glances up at the sky for a moment, measuring how to explain it to where it makes sense.]

I can shift my Frequency to travel between the planes. Basically, in this world, I'm trapped on the equivalent of the RG. [Remember your terminology, Ryoji?] I reside on the UG, though... so, since the RG is at a lower frequency than the UG, traveling to that plane makes me appear a bit younger than normal.

[So Joshua didn't look like this all the time... And for a moment there, Ryoji had to wonder if the other looked the way he looked, simply because he chose to look the way he looked all on his own...

In a sense, that would also make them kind of similar in the whole regard, wouldn't it?]

So originally... you had dark hair and eye color, and you had it for a fair amount of time, too? ...It was probably a bit hard getting used to after you changed at first, huh?

[And what Josh just explained there... Ryoji paused for a moment to try to understand that properly. And the thing that stood out the most for him...]

So you look different whenever you're in the UG?

[And what was that about Frequencies? Did that mean that the lower he shifted with those, the younger he looked? And the higher, the older...?]

[If that's what Ryoji was wondering, he would be partially correct! This form was very similar to how he'd appeared at fifteen when he'd been alive. Different hair and eyes, of course, but regardless. It was... something comfortable.]

My whole life~ And about forty years after it. [A little shrug.] It was a drastic change, but it grew on me fairly quickly.

[But it seemed that Ryoji understood his explanation. Which was good, because he didn't really feel like having the headache he knew would come with trying to explain further.]

That's right. I was capable of it here for a brief time, but that's unfortunately been taken from me.

IC contact post for Adstringendum

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