the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

Oh dear... I think my life might be in danger now.

[He's still smiling as he says it, though. In fact, he looks as if he were about to start crying tears of joy any second now. Can you tell that he can't believe this?]

In danger, huh? Why? Are you misbehaving in my absence?

[Though he finds Ryoji's words a bit worrisome he can't help but smile a little at that reaction. It was nice to see that Ryoji was that happy to see him again.]

[He's so happy that he doesn't really care if his following words turn out to be true. And he somehow doesn't want to lie about it, nor keep it a secret.]

Misbehaving might be one way to put it...

I've told Joshua-senpai about us after you disappeared. So I guess you'll want to kill me now.

You have told him about us? What exactly? If you put it like that you sound as if you had betrayed him with me, you know.

Ah... I meant the blood drinking.

[Why, well, that was awkward. He had entrusted Ryoji that particular information because... well, he had trusted him. He's kind of grateful he has never said anything about the true circumstances of the ochimizu right now.]

Why?

[Oh... Okita seemed mad.]

... Because it felt as if I was keeping secrets from him. Especially after you... well, disappeared. I left out all the details, of course...

I'm sorry.

[Well, he was a bit.]

Had you telling him that any meaning?

I'm not sure... He didn't even seem surprised. And he told me I was beating myself over something that happened in the past. Even though... that wasn't entirely the case.

Also... somehow, telling him things didn't make me feel that much less guilty about it. In fact, I think it's working the other way around right now more than anything.

That wasn't the case? [But it was the past for now, wasn't it? The news that Joshua didn't seem too surprised didn't surprise Souji too much either. The guy seemed to know him, after all.]

Are you feeling bad for it now?

Well, I might have agreed to help you long before, but we kept on doing this way after I told him about my feelings, didn't I? And I know, these things aren't even related to each other in such a way, but... there's... uh...

[The main problem was kind of hidden there, and Ryoji wasn't even sure whether he should be bringing it up or not.]

And it's not that I'm feeling bad for it. It's more like... bringing it up made me realize something I could never tell Joshua-senpai to begin with, and in turn just made me feel all the more guilty for it, while I was already feeling guilty for bringing up the whole thing as it was.

[Uh.]

...Does this make any sense?

[Yeah, you know you make it sound really awkward, Ryoji. Letting someone feed of you and blood-drinking wasn't really related to each other. Though Souji thinks he might have an idea what Ryoji means. There was always some strange kind of intimacy when they did that.]

Are you regretting it? Should I have searched for someone else after you fell for him?

[Trying to connect the dots. It's somehow so much at once.]

I think it does. What is it that you realized?

[Well, you were probably connecting the dots in the right way, Okita. Although the strange kind of intimacy was still just one thing.]

No, no, of course I don't regret it. I could never regret helping you out, Souji-san. If I could turn back time and have the opportunity to change it, I'd still do it all the same. It's just...

[... Uh-oh. Someone might be starting to blush around here.]

It's the issue of what I'm feeling guilty about the most here, I suppose... But are you sure you want to hear it?

[Good that he was going into the right direction, at least. Though he is glad to hear that. It hasn't been his intention to force Ryoji to give him blood or anything.]

You would? Well, then I'm relieved.

[Ryoji, what should he think if you start blushing at him like that. He didn't even do anything to embarrass you yet.]

I wouldn't have asked otherwise.

[Forcing Ryoji to give Okita his blood? Didn't it usually look like Ryoji was the one insisting that Souji drink it?]

Of course. Honestly, if you'd force me, I'd probably have an excuse to feel less guilty about the whole thing.

[There's a longer pause there, and all of a sudden Ryoji's looking anywhere beside the PCD, that blush of his not getting any smaller. Oh well, here went nothing.]

I kind of... enjoyed what we were doing.

[Well, yeah, technically it was usually like that.]

That sounds like I should have forced you.

[And are that supposed to be news, Ryoji. He always knew you were a masochist somewhere deep or not so deep inside you.]

It always did seem special to you.

[Have a nervous, albeit amused chuckle at that, Okita. Because now Ryoji can't help but imagine it and for whatever reason it seems hilarious.]

Would you? If I ever tried running away?

[And yes, it's supposed to be news. It was for Ryoji, at least. Because the whole masochist thing was supposed to be for laughs or a means for Okita to tease him, and not... something that Ryoji was supposed to realize had more truth in itself than he wanted to let on.]

Well... it was special, in a way. And I didn't mind any of it at first. A little later on - even though I didn't even realize it right away - the whole 'enjoying it' part made me feel a little guilty, though. It's probably obvious why.

[Can't help the slightly nervous smile there.]

... I thought this would freak you out at least a bit.

I guess it depends on my state of mind.

[If he was still conscious somewhere, then he would never do that. But if he had lost it already, then yes, Souji chasing after Ryoji to drink his blood was a very likely scenario.

Souji's teasing almost always had some truth to it. It didn't come out of nowhere, after all, but fron the things he had watched and witnessed.]

Well, yeah, I guess that is obvious.

[Souji ruffles a side of his hair a little.]

It doesn't. I have seen how you have acted about it.

[And come on, Ryoji, you weren't freaked out by him either. He thought it was part of their weird mutual understanding that they weren't what other people would call normal. It's one of the reasons why he was comfortable around you, Ryoji.]

...Ah, that's true. I don't think I've ever seen you lose it that bad, though.

[And considering, it was probably better that way, but everyone knew how Ryoji usually learned his lessons by now.

The last comment makes him stare at Souji, though. Just what...]

How I acted about it? ...What do you mean by that?

[And yes, he knew. They were both messed up in more ways than one, and while Ryoji was still completely accepting of weird things in other people, he was becoming more self-conscious in regards to those in himself as of late, for whatever unexplained reason.]

Yeah, you weren't there to witness it.

[In the TYL-event. The event that had driven him to madness. The event where Raven had to go through with her promise. The event after which Ami had left him.]

How should I put it? You were... always so overly eager about it?

[Don't get self-conscious about it, Ryoji. It's just part of you. Socializing with normal people can be a bitch sometimes.]

...Did it ever happen while I wasn't around? Here in Adstringendum, I mean.

[Because that's what it sounded like, from the way Okita had put it.]

Overly eager about it, huh? Was I, really? ... I guess there's some truth in it when people say that sadness is actually easier to hide than happiness, haha.

[He'll get over it at some point again. He should, considering how many people around here were actually 'normal.']

After you left in that one event.

[This was actually something he would never admit if he was still in Adstringendum. Ryoji would probably end up blaming himself too much, in a way.]

Yes. Do I have to remind you of that time where you almost ended up killing yourself over this?

[He says that teasingly, but he means the time where Ryoji wanted to cut his own neck.]

Ah... I somehow had a feeling that was the case. Or I guess... I simply knew about it, in a way. My memories of everything from back then are hazy, but I think I still observed you guys... without actually being there the way I am now.

[And likewise, Okita. It's not actually a surprise for him, and all in all, Ryoji stopped blaming himself about that longer while ago by now.]

I already told you that I'm sorry about that once before, though. All I can do is hope that you've forgiven me about it. As unfortunate as it all was, I am still convinced that the Animus needed to manipulate our wills during the whole thing. We shouldn't take anything that happened back then that much to heart, should we?

[And well... as Souji mentions the last part, Ryoji turns his gaze elsewhere, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed.]

It would be kind of hard to forget... but I wasn't intending to kill myself there, you know.

So you have been watching us? I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less from the person who is connected to the knowledge of the universe.

[Perhaps other people would find it surprising, but Souji really didn't. It didn't really make the fact that Ryoji left without a word to anyone less painful, even if Souji understood the reasons why he did that.]

I'm not mad at you about it. You probably didn't see another way out anymore. I'm not really sure if they manipulated our wills, though.

[Because everything had felt so natural, like it would come inevitably that way. The fact that Ami would abandon him if they ever got together... and when they talked about it afterwards she couldn't really deny it either, couldn't say that it won't happen that way, couldn't tell him why she did that. Not taking that to heart was difficult - because he had done just that and had withdrawn himself and just sticked to the people he knew he could be comfortable with.]

It would be sad if you had. I just wonder sometimes if you really know what you are doing - even if you are supposed to have such great knowledge.

[He says this teasingly as well.]

IC contact post for Adstringendum

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[Video] Yume, what have you done... xD

[Video] idek this was supposed to be a nice visit xD

[Video] it's more like a "oh hey, here's something I'd never mention while you were here" visit xD

[Video] that is fine, he can be as open as he wants here without screwing up xD

[Video] yay xD

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