Ryoji Mochizuki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the13tharcana) wrote2020-11-05 07:17 am
the13tharcana) wrote2020-11-05 07:17 am
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IC contact post for Adstringendum
"Hello, you have reached the PCD of Ryoji Mochizuki!
It's unfortunate that I am unavailable at the time.
If you wish to contact me, just leave a message.
I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"
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[Though he had gotten hugs, which are nice. He liked hugs. Not that he is going to say that out loud, that would be too embarrassing.]
The blood-drinking thing wasn't bad enough already...? But...
[But wasn't that different? Aside that it awoke masochistic tendencies inside Ryoji.]
Kind of. I was a little hesitant, of course, so I asked him if he minds me kissing him outside of our usual activities to survive, but he said he'd like me to. I'm not sure if it is instead or if it is just additionally, but... [But he'll take what he can get for now.] It does, but one time... there was no curse and no real reason to do that with someone... [Well, with someone with whom Souji always had a raging inferiority complex. It wasn't pretty.] Though I kinda joined that encounter.
[And thank god, Ryoji. Souji is relieved to hear that.]
You would be jealous? I'm glad, I thought I'm the only one who feels that way. [Alright, Saitou said that he was once, because up until that point Souji had firmly believed Saitou didn't care what he was doing, one way or the other, but he still seemed to take everything rather calmly.]
It is. Though unlike you, he wears mostly black otherwise.
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[And he wasn't even kidding, even though he'd like to right now. And... this will probably sound a little awkward. But he could tell Okita about this now, couldn't he? ... It's not like it would change anything anymore, either.]
... I think you misunderstood me when I said that I enjoyed what we were doing before. ... You know, when you visited me like this last time.
[Should he explain this further? This had... little to do with his masochistic tendencies, sadly.]
If he told you something like that, then he clearly needed to mean it. Although following what you just said there... I think I'd need to see the bigger picture to actually be able to tell you anything more in regards to something like that. Maybe he was just curious? ...Although that would hardly justify it, considering. [He paused, blinking.] ...You joined it?
[Ryoji nodded to that.]
You can't really help it if you get jealous, can you? Even if it seems really stupid and unreasonable sometimes? I don't think I'm the type to get jealous easily, but I can at least remember it happening it to me once here before, so I am able to understand what that's like. And just imagining Joshua-senpai with someone else... I think it's perfectly normal for you to be jealous, Souji-san.
[He smiles.]
And I see. I don't really like black, though. It might be a bit silly of me to say this, but... wearing dark clothes would make me feel exposed.
[Yes, Ryoji's choice of bright colors actually had a reason behind them, as weird as it might seem. He's totally less suspicious with a white shirt on!]
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[Though where would that take them? And there apparently even more to come.]
I misunderstood? What do you mean?
[Souji's look at this point pretty much said: Explain it to me. Was there something he had missed out aside the masochistic tendencies?]
I'm not sure. Like I said, he's pretty selfless and puts his needs usually aside in favor for everyone's else. If he realized that I'd like to do that, he might just commit to what I wish. [Yeah, he had a nice - or not so nice crisis where he wondered if he had pushed Saitou too much or was too forceful. He sighs.] Though he also had said before that he disliked the idea of either of us finding someone else. Not that he was particular good to hold onto that either. [Though the image of Saitou just wanting to try this out of curiosity was a hilarious picture to Souji and he couldn't help but be amused by it.] Well, I was jealous. It seemed like the best option at that time. [That and Hijikata had just kissed him when he came to the scene.]
I see. I guess I get jealous pretty easily, but it's more bothersome than anything else to him. [Because he always feared so much that he was going to lose that again what he had just gained. With the memories of Adstringendum, that threat felt very real again.] But you were jealous before? Because of someone who was with Joshua-kun?
[Now that sounded weird.]
Exposed? Why?
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[Who knew, maybe it wouldn't be that hard for him to adapt, after all. But he would never know unless he actually tried, right?]
Ah, well...
[Okita was honestly clueless about this, wasn't he? It seemed like he had to explain this, after all. ... Which would be a bit hard, considering, but...]
This... wasn't about the cutting or the blood drinking. It's the closeness that I enjoyed. And... [Ryoji looked away, looking really embarrassed all of a sudden.] ...the feeling of your tongue on my skin, mostly. Um... you see, I had no idea about this myself at first, either. But you made me realize that my hands are kind of... sensitive. A lot.
I felt guilty with all of it... but I still wanted more. So when I tried to cut my neck back at the time...
[Oh wow, this almost felt like some kind of confession. Ryoji suddenly felt like running away somewhere.]
I-I'm sorry. Just... don't think too much on it. It doesn't really matter anymore...
[Where were they again?]
That almost sounds like something I would do, haha. [In different circumstances, though, perhaps.] But if he... well, betrayed you after saying something like that, there probably needed to be some kind of reason behind it, right? I think you two should talk. ... Misunderstandings usually come from things that are left unsaid.
...Do you remember that one event when people couldn't resist kissing each other? I think you saw it, too, since it got caught up on the network. With the previous Riku-kun and Joshua-senpai...
[And that was still back at the time when Ryoji thought he didn't have that kind of feelings for anyone. So all of it was a bit confusing, to say the least...]
Because of who I really am. [An easy answer there.] I have enough dark things on the inside already. I don't need them on the outside, too.
[Was this weird? Did any of this make any sense, even?]
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[Aaalright, this was not what he had expected. The feeling of your tongue on my skin. Souji hadn't thought too much about it back then, only that he felt extremely guilty and extremely bad for putting someone through that. That and his own fear of going crazy.
But now that he has assembled quite some experience in this field.
Oh.
So when Ryoji wanted to cut his neck, he wanted Souji to...
Oh.
Yeah, he's just going to awkwardly avert his eyes somewhere because for some reason he felt terribly flustered right now, the faintest blush crossing his cheeks. How come he has never realized that? When he was usually so good at observing people and Ryoji was one of the people he had grown closest to.
Then again it was probably for the better that he hadn't realized that, considering his record with people he got too close to in that world and Ryoji's current development of feelings.]
I see. You... don't really need to be sorry for that.
[Perhaps he should stop making jokes about having sex with Ryoji if he was ever to visit sex island. Then again if he did and if they somehow remembered each other, Souji surely won't hesitate to offer him help. So perhaps it wasn't that much of a joke.]
We talked afterwards. Well, he made me stay and talk to him. I would have liked to just go on and pretend nothing ever happened. [Because he was angry, because he was hurt, because he still couldn't really let go, because he thought he was neither the person Saitou loved nor needed or wanted. He had been ready to rebuild his wall entirely, which was also kind of sad because relationship or not - with Saitou the wall had never been there as much as it was with everyone else.]
He then told me that he'd like to make our relationship work and that he wanted to return to my side. [Which had meant a lot to Souji, considering being left behind and being abandoned and rejected were all part of his greatest fears.]
Ah, yes, I remember. You were jealous back then?
[Man, that event was all kinds of awkward in itself. So Ryoji had developed feelings like that at that point already.]
I see. That makes sense. Personally, I think the brighter colors suit you better anyways.