the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

He really was, yes. [He was comfortable to talk to, he didn't mind that both Ryoji and Souji were probably not the sanest people to live with. Even though he was sad most of the time, it was nice to see him smile and get flustered. And he has asked Souji just to call him by his first name, without honorific.]

Are you in the position of saying that? You are one of a kind as well.

[Though Souji smiles a little at those words.]

Building up feelings in other worlds... they are just as true as the ones we have in our world, aren't they? I guess as long as you confirm them, he'll be fine.

I guess our whole household was a bit special... in a weird but good kind of way.

[Have a soft chuckle there, Okita.]

And yes, everything that happens here isn't any less true from the things happening back in our home worlds, is it? Besides... this place became my home long ago by now. I don't really have that much tying me to the place I came from anymore, to be honest.

[And he says like he means it.]

But enough about me! How are things going by your side, Souji-san?

It really was.

[Souji hadn't expected a place where he would feel so at home again. Or even... that he fit in there more well than he had felt before. What a strange thought. Though they were a group of strange misfits, even more than the shinsengumi.]

Somehow it isn't. And I guess it's really not surprising if it has become your home.

[Ryoji didn't have the brightest future in his own world, after all. This was kind of the only place where he could stay as him.]

About my side... I got sent to another place with different memories. It's a strange place where we have to have sex at least every two weeks or else we'll die. Though I must say the Goddess who is responsible for that place has humor. A lot of my comrades got sent there as well.

I think so, too.

[Ryoji just nodded to that, smiling. But as he listened to Okita explain, his expression gave way to surprise.]

So you weren't sent back to your home world?

[He got sent to a different kind of world entirely? ...So one didn't necessarily have to go back home after disappearing from here? And... this was a good thing, right? Didn't this mean that Okita was still alive?]

Wait... you need to have sex with someone in order to keep on living?

[Was he hearing right?]

Kind of, but not really?

[All of this didn't make much sense to him as well, but before he starts thinking about things he can't understand one way or the other, he'll just stop thinking over it altogether.]

Yeah, great survival terms, huh? It might have helped you with your little problem.

[He grins a little.]

I guess I was a little lucky since one of my comrades is working very hard to keep us all alive.

...my little problem?

[Wait, did Okita mean... Josh? But-- that-- ... Oh man, he was blushing now, wasn't he? ... Where did this whole conversation even go all of a sudden?]

... I was about to say that you needed to be lucky with the ladies there, but... one person keeping you all...?

[And Souji explained it all as if it were no big deal... was it seriously no big deal?]

Yes, your little problem.

[You got it right, Ryoji. Souji can assume as much with Ryoji blushing like this.]

I guess I ended up being pretty exlusive to this guy. And yeah, as long as they didn't find someone else, he's helping them.

[Well, it was probably a bigger deal than what Souji tried to make it out to be.]

I think it would just make things worse, Souji-san. Forcing anyone to do that kind of thing with you...

[Then again if both of their lives depended on it... now he was actually getting curious how negotiating with Josh would look like under circumstances such as those. ... Wait, why was he even thinking about this...]

... Oh, okay, that... needs to be a bit weird, I imagine. I mean... uh, do you at least like the person you're with?

[Wow, why was this so embarrassing to talk about? This didn't even involve him... or maybe it's because that it didn't involve him that it was so hard.]

Do you guys need to go all the way there? ...or how does that even count?

Well, the first few times I did it, I just thought of it as another sparring session.

[Just another thing people did to survive, even if the thought was weird at first - even for him.]

You'll just have to ask if they are willing to help you to survive.

[Souji averts his eyes a little at the question. It's probably - or rather very likely, extremely unusual for him as a small blush crosses his cheeks.]

I do.

[This was really hard to talk about, and a part of him is sad that Ryoji doesn't even know Saitou or the other way round, he'd like people of his kind of surrogate-families to know each other.]

Yes, pretty much, or else it won't help too much - or so I've heard.

[This almost sounded like something Lily would say...]

That kind of... sounds like you, actually. Can't say it's a bad way of trying to cope with things if... well, you're not exactly looking forward to that kind of stuff.

[Otherwise it won't help much? Seriously what kind of a place was that... if he'd appear there without actually knowing anyone, like he did here, Ryoji imagined he'd freak out pretty fast.]

You probably get used to it after a while, huh...

[And oh, the blush definitely didn't go unnoticed. So Okita did like someone. Ryoji smiled, evidently happy with the information.]

I'm happy for you, Souji-san.

It wasn't the first thing I expected to have to do when I arrive in a foreign world.

[From the initial little shock, it just became one thing he had to do roughly all 10 days or something before the collar became too uncomfortable to breath normally.]

Yes, when it belongs to surviving. Do you want to try it out, Ryoji-kun~?

[He does, very much even. Souji's expression softens to a smile.]

Thank you. A part of me still believes that is kind of an illusion, and it was certainly not easy getting there, but... for now I don't mind being trapped in this illusion. Since...

Can't blame you there, in all honesty...

[Because seriously, who in their sane mind would?]

... Even if you ask me that...

[...Okita was just teasing him again, wasn't he?]

Are you asking yourself whether it's an illusion because it's so hard to believe in the sense that it's too good to be true? [A small pause.] Since...?

Seems you wouldn't expect it as well, huh?

[True. Nobody would, but that made it more believable if somebody told you that.]

You don't know the answer?

[He was, mostly. He just can't change that trait of his.]

Yes, just like that. I should just get used to the fact that you know me too well by now, huh? [There's another flustered smile.]

Since... since he said I'm enough for him and that he doesn't need more. Even though... well, you know my state of health. And for him being a sword and fulfilling his duty is as important as it is to me, usually, but he still chose to risk all of that for me.

I'm pretty sure nobody in their sane mind would, Souji-san.

[There's a soft chuckle to that.]

Well... even if I said 'yes' it would still be just rhetorical, wouldn't it?

[Because it's not like... uh, well... Okita, you were making him blush again.]

It's just that I know all too well how that feels like, haha.

[How many times did he try pinching himself by now, while spending time with Josh, because he couldn't believe things were actually happening?]

But yes, that's probably also part of the reason I could tell right away.

And oh dear, Souji-san~ That sounds really romantic of him! He must really care for you a whole lot if he told you something like that. Now I'm actually curious what kind of person your special someone is.

I wonder what the insane ones do then...

[Actually, that would be really interesting.]

Well, you'd probably one of the people I'd least mind to do it with, even without a curse.

[Man, that was awkward to say like that, but it wasn't even untrue. Ryoji had grown unexpected close to him and he would be a far better choice than some of the things that happened. Like Yukimura. At least he liked Ryoji. Or perhaps that was not even a fitting enough description - he liked Ryoji a lot.]

Oh, is that what you are feeling with him, huh?

[Well, back then the whole business with Joshua had been too abstract to really understand what Ryoji was feeling, except that it did do changes that Souji were able to notice.]

I guess so.

[He chuckles himself at that.]

I'd hope so. [After all, Saitou also had told him that he loves him, so.] What kind of person he is... he's silent, he's a sword-idiot, he worships the ground Hijikata-san walks on and he can't tell a joke even if he tries to or even express himself properly. He's strong, he's very gentle, I guess you could say reasonable, selfless - [Souji's still proud here that Saitou gets selfish when it's about him.] and I think he's really cute from time to time. I might have mentioned him when we talked. His name is Saitou Hajime.

Who knows...

[Okita's next words actually made him blink, his eyes widening a bit.]

Ah... do you really mean that?

[He somehow... didn't expect that kind of response. And he had no idea if it was wrong of him to feel flattered because of it, but... he kind of was. And now he couldn't stop that faint blush from spreading further, evidently becoming something way more intense.]

Yes... more times than not. It's probably because Joshua-senpai wasn't interested at all, at first. And I suppose I got stuck on the idea so much that it's just hard to believe that things changed sometimes...

[As Okita went on, Ryoji's smile only widened, and he listened intently all the way to the end.]

Saitou-san, huh. He does sound like an interesting person. And the way you talk about him really shows how much he means to you, Souji-san.

[Ryoji only counted to the weird ones, so his reaction might be still normal here.]

Yes, why not? You've kept sleeping in and under my bed anyways. The difference won't be all too huge.

[~~And then they kept wondering why people got the wrong impression.~~ Well, okay, it probably still was. Though the words he had spoken were true and he wasn't going to take that back. After all, Ryoji had given him a home in Adstringendum, had taken him in despite the things Souji had said at first, had accepted him and his borked sense of morality, not even being a rasetsu had fazed the boy all too much.

Though considering he was the one who was supposed to bring the end of the world, being a rasetsu might seem like the comparable smaller issue.

And Souji is amused to make Ryoji blush like that.]

Ah, I guess I understand that feeling very well now.

[Souji nods.]

Mhm. Though I guess I've made some stupid moves there. When I started this relationship, I was very well aware of the fact that he liked someone else. And then I kinda kept trying to kill a person he saw as a friend.

[There's another amused chuckle.]

Though now that I think of it, he keeps wearing a scarf, just like you. I wonder if that is connected.

Not for you, maybe...

[That actually makes him chuckle, even though it's somewhat nervous. As if to fix that, his next words come out sounding more teasing.]

You might want to be careful with that kind of thing, Souji-san... What if you made me fall for you?

[And another chuckle there.]

But I'm flattered that you wouldn't mind.

[And well, Okita didn't seem awkward with this. No reason for him to be awkward with it, either, right? It's not like any of this would...]

That... also sounds a lot like you. [This probably shouldn't even be so amusing, considering, and yet...] So it turned out that you were jealous over nothing?

[At the last part, Ryoji actually perks up and laughs, amused.]

Does he? Is it a yellow one, too?

So you think it would be a huge difference for you?

[Well, that calls for some amusement on Souji's side as well.]

Have I seduced you without realizing it? I wonder what Joshua-kun would say to that...

[Bros, Ryoji, bros. Why would he mind helping out a person that is important to him and isn't scared of him, huh?]

No, I'm just lucky that Hajime-kun was too stupid to figure out what he was feeling for her. [But he did that for him and Souji is happy enough with that at the moment.] And I guess... it's not like he hasn't betrayed me at some point or anything. [Not that he could say much to that anymore either.]

Haha, no, it's white.

Unlike you, I've never done this kind of thing before, you know... getting physical with someone in general... I imagine it would get to my head pretty easily. As if the whole blood drinking thing wasn't bad enough with you already...

[...Uh. They should probably change topic before he ended up blabbering something even more stupid. ... Yeah, what would Josh say to this, indeed. Even when he's explained things to him after Okita disappeared, he left a few things unsaid there for a reason.]

He didn't realize it? And then he started to develop feelings for you instead? [The idea didn't seem all that abstract, actually.] And yeah... being stuck in a place such as that, what counts as betrayal and what doesn't probably works a little different. Considering people's lives are at stake sometimes.

... I'd still be jealous, though, I think.

[Things must have been hard for you, Okita.]

Oh, white is a nice color, too! Yellow isn't that far off from it, either, is it? They're both bright.

Well, it's not like I really did that kind of activity before, either.

[Though he had gotten hugs, which are nice. He liked hugs. Not that he is going to say that out loud, that would be too embarrassing.]

The blood-drinking thing wasn't bad enough already...? But...

[But wasn't that different? Aside that it awoke masochistic tendencies inside Ryoji.]

Kind of. I was a little hesitant, of course, so I asked him if he minds me kissing him outside of our usual activities to survive, but he said he'd like me to. I'm not sure if it is instead or if it is just additionally, but... [But he'll take what he can get for now.] It does, but one time... there was no curse and no real reason to do that with someone... [Well, with someone with whom Souji always had a raging inferiority complex. It wasn't pretty.] Though I kinda joined that encounter.

[And thank god, Ryoji. Souji is relieved to hear that.]

You would be jealous? I'm glad, I thought I'm the only one who feels that way. [Alright, Saitou said that he was once, because up until that point Souji had firmly believed Saitou didn't care what he was doing, one way or the other, but he still seemed to take everything rather calmly.]

It is. Though unlike you, he wears mostly black otherwise.

But now that you managed to grew more immune to that kind of stuff while I didn't, just imagine where that would take us...

[And he wasn't even kidding, even though he'd like to right now. And... this will probably sound a little awkward. But he could tell Okita about this now, couldn't he? ... It's not like it would change anything anymore, either.]

... I think you misunderstood me when I said that I enjoyed what we were doing before. ... You know, when you visited me like this last time.

[Should he explain this further? This had... little to do with his masochistic tendencies, sadly.]

If he told you something like that, then he clearly needed to mean it. Although following what you just said there... I think I'd need to see the bigger picture to actually be able to tell you anything more in regards to something like that. Maybe he was just curious? ...Although that would hardly justify it, considering. [He paused, blinking.] ...You joined it?

[Ryoji nodded to that.]

You can't really help it if you get jealous, can you? Even if it seems really stupid and unreasonable sometimes? I don't think I'm the type to get jealous easily, but I can at least remember it happening it to me once here before, so I am able to understand what that's like. And just imagining Joshua-senpai with someone else... I think it's perfectly normal for you to be jealous, Souji-san.

[He smiles.]

And I see. I don't really like black, though. It might be a bit silly of me to say this, but... wearing dark clothes would make me feel exposed.

[Yes, Ryoji's choice of bright colors actually had a reason behind them, as weird as it might seem. He's totally less suspicious with a white shirt on!]

I'm sure you would get used to it pretty fast. You are able to adapt pretty fast, right?

[Though where would that take them? And there apparently even more to come.]

I misunderstood? What do you mean?

[Souji's look at this point pretty much said: Explain it to me. Was there something he had missed out aside the masochistic tendencies?]

I'm not sure. Like I said, he's pretty selfless and puts his needs usually aside in favor for everyone's else. If he realized that I'd like to do that, he might just commit to what I wish. [Yeah, he had a nice - or not so nice crisis where he wondered if he had pushed Saitou too much or was too forceful. He sighs.] Though he also had said before that he disliked the idea of either of us finding someone else. Not that he was particular good to hold onto that either. [Though the image of Saitou just wanting to try this out of curiosity was a hilarious picture to Souji and he couldn't help but be amused by it.] Well, I was jealous. It seemed like the best option at that time. [That and Hijikata had just kissed him when he came to the scene.]

I see. I guess I get jealous pretty easily, but it's more bothersome than anything else to him. [Because he always feared so much that he was going to lose that again what he had just gained. With the memories of Adstringendum, that threat felt very real again.] But you were jealous before? Because of someone who was with Joshua-kun?

[Now that sounded weird.]

Exposed? Why?

Edited 2013-02-01 18:31 (UTC)

Well, that is true... if you put it like that.

[Who knew, maybe it wouldn't be that hard for him to adapt, after all. But he would never know unless he actually tried, right?]

Ah, well...

[Okita was honestly clueless about this, wasn't he? It seemed like he had to explain this, after all. ... Which would be a bit hard, considering, but...]

This... wasn't about the cutting or the blood drinking. It's the closeness that I enjoyed. And... [Ryoji looked away, looking really embarrassed all of a sudden.] ...the feeling of your tongue on my skin, mostly. Um... you see, I had no idea about this myself at first, either. But you made me realize that my hands are kind of... sensitive. A lot.

I felt guilty with all of it... but I still wanted more. So when I tried to cut my neck back at the time...

[Oh wow, this almost felt like some kind of confession. Ryoji suddenly felt like running away somewhere.]

I-I'm sorry. Just... don't think too much on it. It doesn't really matter anymore...

[Where were they again?]

That almost sounds like something I would do, haha. [In different circumstances, though, perhaps.] But if he... well, betrayed you after saying something like that, there probably needed to be some kind of reason behind it, right? I think you two should talk. ... Misunderstandings usually come from things that are left unsaid.

...Do you remember that one event when people couldn't resist kissing each other? I think you saw it, too, since it got caught up on the network. With the previous Riku-kun and Joshua-senpai...

[And that was still back at the time when Ryoji thought he didn't have that kind of feelings for anyone. So all of it was a bit confusing, to say the least...]

Because of who I really am. [An easy answer there.] I have enough dark things on the inside already. I don't need them on the outside, too.

[Was this weird? Did any of this make any sense, even?]

I don't think you'll have too much of a problem after some time.

[Aaalright, this was not what he had expected. The feeling of your tongue on my skin. Souji hadn't thought too much about it back then, only that he felt extremely guilty and extremely bad for putting someone through that. That and his own fear of going crazy.

But now that he has assembled quite some experience in this field.

Oh.

So when Ryoji wanted to cut his neck, he wanted Souji to...

Oh.

Yeah, he's just going to awkwardly avert his eyes somewhere because for some reason he felt terribly flustered right now, the faintest blush crossing his cheeks. How come he has never realized that? When he was usually so good at observing people and Ryoji was one of the people he had grown closest to.

Then again it was probably for the better that he hadn't realized that, considering his record with people he got too close to in that world and Ryoji's current development of feelings.]

I see. You... don't really need to be sorry for that.

[Perhaps he should stop making jokes about having sex with Ryoji if he was ever to visit sex island. Then again if he did and if they somehow remembered each other, Souji surely won't hesitate to offer him help. So perhaps it wasn't that much of a joke.]

We talked afterwards. Well, he made me stay and talk to him. I would have liked to just go on and pretend nothing ever happened. [Because he was angry, because he was hurt, because he still couldn't really let go, because he thought he was neither the person Saitou loved nor needed or wanted. He had been ready to rebuild his wall entirely, which was also kind of sad because relationship or not - with Saitou the wall had never been there as much as it was with everyone else.]

He then told me that he'd like to make our relationship work and that he wanted to return to my side. [Which had meant a lot to Souji, considering being left behind and being abandoned and rejected were all part of his greatest fears.]

Ah, yes, I remember. You were jealous back then?

[Man, that event was all kinds of awkward in itself. So Ryoji had developed feelings like that at that point already.]

I see. That makes sense. Personally, I think the brighter colors suit you better anyways.

IC contact post for Adstringendum

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