the13tharcana | IC contact post for Adstringendum

Are you sure? It seems I have taken on a few bad habits from you and keep visiting you at night. I wonder if that makes me a stalker as well.

[Souji also can't help but tease, but the smile on his face is gentle as well.]

Stuck in your dreams? What kind of dreams are those?

Edited 2013-01-15 09:53 (UTC)

I'd choose being stalked and get visits at night from you over not seeing you at all any time, Souji-san. It's been... lonely without you, to say the least. Nanako-chan misses you a lot, too. ... The house just feels empty.

[His smile softens as he goes on this time.]

Not the prettiest kind of dreams, I guess... Ones that let others see into your worst fears and all kinds of personal memories. I imagine you can tell what this means to me...

[And Ryoji can only wonder how any of that will end...]

[Now he feels bad. He doesn't want you two to feel lonely without him. But he's also really touched by Ryoji's words. It really meant that Ryoji did care if he was there or not.]

I'll try to visit you as often as possible then. That's a deal, right?

[Well, that was surely the kind of event he wouldn't be comfortable with. And Ryoji...]

Yes, I guess I can. So you are running around in the dreams of other people while they invade yours?

[Don't feel bad, Okita. It's not like it's your fault. Ryoji just got too attached to his housemates for his own good.]

... I'd like that a lot.

[And he can't mean that any more than he does.]

That's apparently how it works, yes... We get stuck in other people's dreams and stumble upon their memories as we try looking for a way out. I suppose none of it can be really helped. My best bet would be to wish that none of the people who know me get actually stuck in my dream to begin with...

But knowing the Animus' way of doing things, what are the odds of that happening?

[But it's like abandoning him and leaving him behind. That's not cool.]

Alright. When was the last time I called you weird?

[Well, that didn't sound too pleasant - or rather, not pleasant at all.]

I guess you're right. They like to mess into people's lives a bit too much. [And then they destroy them. Or actually.. should Souji wonder if he wasn't grateful for the warning he got about the future he could have had here? Oh well.]

Do you think they'll still accept you if they see your dream?

[Cool or not, it's how this place worked. If there was anyone to blame, that would be the Animus.]

The last time you saw me, I think.

[Really, it was almost like a routine by now. Ryoji stopped worrying about this long ago. He would even go as far and say that he grew fond of Okita calling him weird all the time.]

I imagine you need to be happy for missing out on an event like this.

[And now that he thought about it... Ryoji was actually curious how Okita's dream would have looked like.]

I have no idea... I'm actually a little scared, to be honest. I wouldn't be surprised if some people wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, after all this. At least Joshua-senpai already knows the worst kind of things about me... As long as he doesn't turn away...

[That might be true, but it's still kind of awful, even if he doesn't have a choice in this.]

That might be.

[He's probably the only one who would be fond of anything like that, really. But that's probably one of the reasons why he had managed to make friends with Ryoji.]

True. I wouldn't really want anyone to sneak around in my dreams, to be honest.

[There weren't pretty things to look at, so yes, he was more than a bit relieved that nobody got to do that.]

I guess you could view it as sorting out who really likes you and who don't. [He also knows Ryoji's morality is a bit questionable, but that was just part of him? If they turned away then they don't seem like people he should have trusted in the first place.] Well, if he already knows the worst kind of things about you, then I doubt he'll turn away. [Or else he has to count in visits from Souji in his dreams as well. One where he'll murder him.]

I suppose that's true... But I can think of at least one person that I hold dear who might be terrified to see who I used to be once. And... I'm not sure he'll understand.

[Ryoji supposed he'll just have to try crossing that bridge once they get there.]

And I trust he won't, but... I also have this weird feeling like... I'm about to find out something about myself that I didn't even know of before. ... Or I used to know, but forgot... And it might complicate things.

[And he had a feeling he knew very well what this would be about...]

[Of course he could be negative here, but he's trying a little to get away from that.]

Perhaps he might not understand it first, but if he really cares for you he should be able to accept you for what you are, no matter what you are.

[Though that statement confuses him a little bit.]

Things you didn't know about yourself before?

I guess all I can do is hope... and be prepared for the worst once it gets down to it.

[He appreciated Okita trying to be positive, though. It even made him smile a bit. It was actually kind of weird, how he was the one trying to cheer him up and not the other way around.]

...It might have to do with Minako-chan. You know... the girl the Animus made me forget about as part of my deal? She was...

[His smile faltered there, because... he wasn't even sure what to think about any of this himself.]

She was probably important to me in the same way Joshua-senpai is important to me right now.

For the worst, huh? Well, I guess it's better as if you were unprepared. If they really care about you, you won't have to fear too much.

[Since Chizuru told him as well - it didn't matter what he was. He was he, and that was all that seemed to be important to her.]

Oh yes, I do remember her.

[It seemed as if Ryoji had already a suspicion and that was confirmed just a while later.]

You loved her?

Part of it is my fault, too, I suppose. Had I told them the truth on my own accord earlier, I guess... things wouldn't be as hard now. It was foolish of me to think I could keep it a secret forever, in a place like this. But there's not much I can do about it now.

[Yeah, he had to be optimistic in regards to this as well. Even if things would turn out to be difficult at first... giving it time would probably help on the longer run, too.

And that... was a difficult question, Okita. Have a troubled-looking Ryoji, there.]

...Possibly.

[Though it might have been a bit more complicated than just that... But Ryoji honestly wasn't even sure where to begin explaining this.]

Well, I haven't told Jun anything about me being a rasetsu either, but he had no problem to still trust me.

[Well, as much as 'no problem' was with Jun, really. He would say the same about Ami, but... she hadn't really come to accept it so she was a bad example.]

Do you think that is troublesome?

That's true. But Jun-kun was one of a kind, wasn't he? You both were one of a kind...

[He can't help the slightly nostalgic smile, there.]

I imagine things could get complicated if she were to appear here... But finding out that I used to love someone else in the past won't make my feelings for Joshua-senpai change. I'll make sure that he understands that.

He really was, yes. [He was comfortable to talk to, he didn't mind that both Ryoji and Souji were probably not the sanest people to live with. Even though he was sad most of the time, it was nice to see him smile and get flustered. And he has asked Souji just to call him by his first name, without honorific.]

Are you in the position of saying that? You are one of a kind as well.

[Though Souji smiles a little at those words.]

Building up feelings in other worlds... they are just as true as the ones we have in our world, aren't they? I guess as long as you confirm them, he'll be fine.

I guess our whole household was a bit special... in a weird but good kind of way.

[Have a soft chuckle there, Okita.]

And yes, everything that happens here isn't any less true from the things happening back in our home worlds, is it? Besides... this place became my home long ago by now. I don't really have that much tying me to the place I came from anymore, to be honest.

[And he says like he means it.]

But enough about me! How are things going by your side, Souji-san?

It really was.

[Souji hadn't expected a place where he would feel so at home again. Or even... that he fit in there more well than he had felt before. What a strange thought. Though they were a group of strange misfits, even more than the shinsengumi.]

Somehow it isn't. And I guess it's really not surprising if it has become your home.

[Ryoji didn't have the brightest future in his own world, after all. This was kind of the only place where he could stay as him.]

About my side... I got sent to another place with different memories. It's a strange place where we have to have sex at least every two weeks or else we'll die. Though I must say the Goddess who is responsible for that place has humor. A lot of my comrades got sent there as well.

I think so, too.

[Ryoji just nodded to that, smiling. But as he listened to Okita explain, his expression gave way to surprise.]

So you weren't sent back to your home world?

[He got sent to a different kind of world entirely? ...So one didn't necessarily have to go back home after disappearing from here? And... this was a good thing, right? Didn't this mean that Okita was still alive?]

Wait... you need to have sex with someone in order to keep on living?

[Was he hearing right?]

Kind of, but not really?

[All of this didn't make much sense to him as well, but before he starts thinking about things he can't understand one way or the other, he'll just stop thinking over it altogether.]

Yeah, great survival terms, huh? It might have helped you with your little problem.

[He grins a little.]

I guess I was a little lucky since one of my comrades is working very hard to keep us all alive.

...my little problem?

[Wait, did Okita mean... Josh? But-- that-- ... Oh man, he was blushing now, wasn't he? ... Where did this whole conversation even go all of a sudden?]

... I was about to say that you needed to be lucky with the ladies there, but... one person keeping you all...?

[And Souji explained it all as if it were no big deal... was it seriously no big deal?]

Yes, your little problem.

[You got it right, Ryoji. Souji can assume as much with Ryoji blushing like this.]

I guess I ended up being pretty exlusive to this guy. And yeah, as long as they didn't find someone else, he's helping them.

[Well, it was probably a bigger deal than what Souji tried to make it out to be.]

I think it would just make things worse, Souji-san. Forcing anyone to do that kind of thing with you...

[Then again if both of their lives depended on it... now he was actually getting curious how negotiating with Josh would look like under circumstances such as those. ... Wait, why was he even thinking about this...]

... Oh, okay, that... needs to be a bit weird, I imagine. I mean... uh, do you at least like the person you're with?

[Wow, why was this so embarrassing to talk about? This didn't even involve him... or maybe it's because that it didn't involve him that it was so hard.]

Do you guys need to go all the way there? ...or how does that even count?

Well, the first few times I did it, I just thought of it as another sparring session.

[Just another thing people did to survive, even if the thought was weird at first - even for him.]

You'll just have to ask if they are willing to help you to survive.

[Souji averts his eyes a little at the question. It's probably - or rather very likely, extremely unusual for him as a small blush crosses his cheeks.]

I do.

[This was really hard to talk about, and a part of him is sad that Ryoji doesn't even know Saitou or the other way round, he'd like people of his kind of surrogate-families to know each other.]

Yes, pretty much, or else it won't help too much - or so I've heard.

[This almost sounded like something Lily would say...]

That kind of... sounds like you, actually. Can't say it's a bad way of trying to cope with things if... well, you're not exactly looking forward to that kind of stuff.

[Otherwise it won't help much? Seriously what kind of a place was that... if he'd appear there without actually knowing anyone, like he did here, Ryoji imagined he'd freak out pretty fast.]

You probably get used to it after a while, huh...

[And oh, the blush definitely didn't go unnoticed. So Okita did like someone. Ryoji smiled, evidently happy with the information.]

I'm happy for you, Souji-san.

It wasn't the first thing I expected to have to do when I arrive in a foreign world.

[From the initial little shock, it just became one thing he had to do roughly all 10 days or something before the collar became too uncomfortable to breath normally.]

Yes, when it belongs to surviving. Do you want to try it out, Ryoji-kun~?

[He does, very much even. Souji's expression softens to a smile.]

Thank you. A part of me still believes that is kind of an illusion, and it was certainly not easy getting there, but... for now I don't mind being trapped in this illusion. Since...

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